Unabridged

Men Are Trash.

Yes, you heard me. Men are trash. I have, for the moment, completely lost all hope in men. Granted, there are exceptions, however the universe clearly has other plans for me, seeing as I only seem to interact with the shitty ones. Thank you universe for sending me trash. 

What does this have to do with dreams, you ask. Well, in the most recent example of “men are trash” one man (boy really) completely ruined my life. Which forces me to question all of my most basic morals; wonder if I am a good person and lose sleep for days.

What did he do, you ask? That is for me to know, carry to my grave, and for you to endlessly wonder about. (Basically he cheated on his girlfriend by taking advantage of me while I was not in my right mind. I wanted to tell her but he made me swear not to because it would ruin her life, his life, and their entire family business because their dads work together. So, cool. So fun. Love getting to be the one to hold on to this information and slowly hate myself until I become entirely consumed in guilt and self-loathing. 

Now that I have, for the time being, decided to keep this a secret, my stress is seeping back into my dreams and creating amplified scenarios of past stress dreams I’ve had. So, here we go:

Last night, I was in a parking deck at work and my friend Hallie, who lives in Australia in real life, left her car in Arlington or something so I went to pick it up for her and ended up bringing it back to the office parking deck and strapping it to the top of my car, which was my Sequoia I recently got rid of for a new VW Tiguan!!! wth, not sure why I was driving my old car, my only assumption is that this is going to be a recurring nightmare.

I leave my Sequoia with Hallie’s car strapped to the top (my plan was to drive both cars to her in Fort Worth?) and go home. Next day I come back and a garage worker has separated the cars and fixed everything up for me, but in place of my car was a beautiful horse… with busted up knees… I don’t know why or how, but it was perfectly understandable in my dream. I was so worried about the horse because I didn’t think he would be able to ride with hurt knees.

Meanwhile, the car dilemma was escalating because I can’t drive two cars at once and didn’t know how I was going to get Hallie’s car to her. Needless to say, I was sweatin’ My Sequoia was on one floor, Hallie’s car was on another, and my new Tiguan was somewhere else entirely, and then I had a bike but I don’t know how it got to the office! The significance of this is the garage and the confusion is very much like the dreams I used to have before I moved to Austin. I thought I was done with these dreams because I was finally where I am meant to be, but now I think it correlates to my real life stress and current moral dilemma. ugh. 

Jump to: my dream switched to a mall and I was wondering around looking for the “right store” not that I knew what that meant or what I was really looking for, but I knew I was lost. Another common dream I frequently experienced before I moved. All the while, I was looking out over this town/city/area? at this resort below with pools and chairs but I was not jealous, I said I would hate to live there because it was so cheap. 

My background began to transform into a water park YET ANOTHER recurring dream I have not had in months. I was by this big pool looking out, but would not get in the water (because water parks are gross). But there were two huge rides/slides/water park features? that I kept looking at and thinking about doing, but I don’t think I ever went down, I woke up before anything could happen.

Basically, I haven’t had these stress dreams in months since I moved to Austin, I thought I was done with them forever. Enter: moral dilemma, and the dreams are now back. All at once and I feel as if I am starting to slip. Too early to tell but I will continue to write em as they occur and then assess if there is a pattern.

I have since told the girlfriend what happened and no I do not feel any better, but I know I did the right thing. this FUCKING FUCK tried to deny it and (as someone who is all about ‘deny till u die’) he is actually a bad person and karma came to chomp him in the ass.

Stay tuned…

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