Today I had a nightmare where I was walking my dog, Puff, around town lake on a gorgeous Austin evening. The conditions were perfect – not yet Spring, a light breeze, and bearable humidity as the sun dipped out of sight but lit the sky nonetheless. The trail was not overcrowded and I wore the right shoes, for once. Everything was peaceful and happy; almost serendipitous it seemed.
That was how I knew I was in a nightmare.
Suddenly, I had a flashback to a day in Dallas when I took Puff to the park and chatted with strangers. Nothing strange. But this flashback snapped me out of my dreamy daze and struck me with a sense of panic. I realized I’ve been living in a shell of myself. For the past two years now (crazy how time melts like ice cream in August) I’ve merely been existing; going through the motions with no means to an end. I have not been living.
Realizing this while walking Puff, I tried to wake up and end the nightmare, to no avail. There is no waking up because this nightmare is my life and I am stuck in a dream. Unable to grasp reality, gain back my senses, or find my way out of the maze. I know I am not ACTUALLY stuck in a dream, but this is the only comparison that makes sense in my mind; I live and breath in dreams, it’s who I am.
Dreams have a funny way of connecting thoughts in your mind and forming completely illogical but seemingly reasonable stories that make you question everything (subjectively speaking). But what do you do when you’re stuck in a dream and can’t distinguish fact from fallacy?
Just something to chew on…