This morning I got wet. I woke up thinking I peed my pants. Thankfully, I did not.

I was in Austin at my sister-in-law’s bachelorette party with all of her college friends and we were preparing to go on an adventure of the alcoholic variety. The adventure we were embarking on involved one of those obnoxious bar bikes that you always see rolling around downtown cities full of drunk bachelorette parties. (I hate them and in real life, during this bachelorette party we went on one of these godforsaken bikes and I got yelled at for not pedaling. these things have motors, there was no need for me to pedal with the 20 other girls on this stupid death trap). Anyway, I get yelled at and one of my sister-in-law’s friends yelled at me “don’t you even know what we did at USC?!” (She did not go to USC…) The girls also berated me for bringing my friend, Ridgely (who I have not seen or talked to in years yet she constantly shows up in my dreams) and I spent the entire time defending her and saying she would pay (in real life this trip was way expensive… $800 for three days, I was not happy). So we were trying to lay low and not cause any disruption so no one would say anything to us when my brother’s friend (and my brother from another mother) came up to us and said “don’t you even know what we did at USC??” (he did go to USC). I am not sure why everyone insisted on asking me this.

Fast forward to after that sweaty, hot mess, we were back at the Air BnB and our moms were there… cleaning… and I was getting ready to get in the pool and go swimming. (The pool was in the house). Additionally, the moms went grocery shopping and there was every type of cereal I’ve ever had in this house. I mean it was a cereal PARTY. I was in heaven because I love cereal and I was trying to get everyone to leave so I could eat my cereal, alone, in peace.

This did not happen.

Instead, I walked around in a wet bikini and wet top because I jumped in the indoor pool. I was desperate to leave and drive back to Dallas so I could see Puff (my dog), but that wasn’t possible yet because I threw my wet clothes into the wash (why I didn’t just put them in the dryer I don’t know). So, I never got my cereal and I was forced to drive back to Dallas with wet clothes on. Hence, why I thought I peed the bed.

When I finally arrived back at my apartment, Puff had destroyed everything. Pulling my shoes off of the selves, tearing clothes off my hangers and messing up my perfectly pristine abode.

I was so angry at Puff in my dream that I confused myself when I woke up because my apartment was fine and Puff was snuggled up against my neck being a little angel, and I was dry.

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